When they entered, when the long-time-no-seen part of the family entered the restaurant, me and my brother looked at each other and uttered in lip-sync: “Our lot”. We must have seen them once or twice, years ago we must have seen them, the cousins of my dad. There was no way I could remember their faces or let alone recall their names, but it was clear to both me and my broher that we’ve been joined by the company that was intrinsically linked to us. Linked, but not by some blood or family relation, but by something that goes way beyond it. The conversation flowed smoothly – no restrictive phrases of politeness, no awkward pauses, just what felt right. It felt like we’ve known each other forever.
I can’t remember how we met. I have no recollection of when I first saw you or who introduced us. What I do remember, though, is that when we started talking, you already knew what I was going to say. There was no way I could silence my thoughts or hide them from you, ‘coz it was you who triggered them. Cutting you out of my life always felt like chopping my own finger off, perhaps not an arm, not a leg, but definitely a finger. I could never put a name on it, but it actually felt as if we were somehow entangled. I could love you, I could hate you, I could try and push you away, but I could never disconnect from you. I could never stop caring about you.
At the bottom of all things, though, at the bottom of every relationship lies the intention, it’s the intention that counts. But in this case – the intention counts for nothing. Wherever you go, whatever you do, whatever ways you choose to find your peace, nothing can change the fact that I feel every breath you are taking. ‘Coz it’s my breath too.
I have learnt a great deal from you and at the same time – I feel I have learned nothing. But to sit and watch the world go by. Just sit and watch how things unravel and be grateful for whatever tomorrow brings.